Depending on your opinion of Drake, using his lyrics as the basis for the title of a life goals post is either inspired or a low point in life! I can kind of share Drake's sentiments however as I very much feel like I'm starting from the bottom. It's taken a good few years to decide but I think I know what I direction I want to take my life in now. And yes, it does mean that I will be starting from the bottom but everyone has to start somewhere.

 

I want to be a writer. I want to be the person who sits at a read through for a TV drama and hears people acting out the words that I have written. I want to run around a city - London, Paris, New York, anywhere - wearing jeans, a nice shirt and my hair knotted in a messy bun on top of my melon shaped head., watching people and writing about them. I think I've always known I wanted to be a writer, I just never had the guts to admit it out loud because there was always so much standing in my way. There still is - if not more - stuff standing in my way but whatever career path, whatever plans you have for your life, I'm pretty sure there are going to obstacles to overcome.

 

So since I want to write, I figured I would write down exactly what I want to achieve in 2014. The last three years I've had the comfort in knowing that I'd be staying on at university, I would be on the same campus, doing the same things with people I've come to call some of my best friends. This year, that certainty isn't there and it's scary. I'm scared that I'm going to lose contact with people because of geographical reasons. I'm scared that my hometown will gradually chip away at my determination. I want to keep wanting this future I've imagined for myself and I'm going to try and do what I can to keep myself motivated.

 

That's where these life goals come in:

1. Graduate!

It's all well and good having all these post-uni plans but I need to actually put the work in and graduate first! It's going to be a tough few weeks but I'm ready for it.


2 & 3. All in the aim of improving as a writer. I don't care if I get two words published in an online magazine no one has heard of or a poem published in an anthology twenty people subscribe to - I just want to start making progress! And I figured that writing workshops are going to be the best way to network and make that happen!

4. Of course with having a jobs come the benefit of earning money! I've spent the last four years avoiding buying too many new clothes and going on trips to places because I need to be paying for my accommodation and living expenses at uni. So the prospect of having a bit more disposable income is really exciting! And wardrobe wise, I can't wait to start building a collection and smart-casual blouses and blazers.

So here's to a productive and positive 2014!

Jade :)

I'm at that stage in life where I'm just feeling terribly lost. I have one year left of my degree and no idea what I want to do after it. In fact, I often feel like I don't want to do anything after it. I'm a creature of habit (and probably a tiny bit OCD) but I like doing things that I've already done. When I go to my lectures I always leave at the same time and aim to sit in the same seat. I like having a routine - I always start with my left arm when I'm in the shower and I always eat my roast dinners one food at a time, in the same order (sadly these examples are just the tip of the iceberg.)

 

In short, welcome to the odd but mostly monotonous and prosaic insight into my life.

 

What the above might have subtly suggested is that I don't really like putting myself out there. Doing that requires making changes and my body no longer copes well with trying something new or different. To be fair, I don't think it ever did but as children we are, on the whole, far more adaptable. It's like I've hit the ongoing dilemma - the desire to move on to new aspects of life and make the most of all the great opportunities we're lucky enough to be offered, coupled with the overwhelming nausea inspired by the fear of rejection. The not-knowing how something is going to pan out.

 

I've had a lot of knock backs this year, as I'm sure everyone has. I'm not entirely sure how it's even possible to have done so, but my confidence seems to have dropped even lower than usual. Which is making it even harder to accept that in just over a year, I'm going to be graduating. The thought of having a job itself isn't too worrying - I've had a one before and I know that although I get horrendously nervous, I can cope. (Eventually.)

 

I think I'm more concerned about being the new girl, about not being up to scratch (and that's if I can even get a job once I graduate.) Basically I think I have a bit of an inferiority complex and yeah, it does stop me doing things because I'm scared I won't be good enough. It's like The Smiths say in their beautifully woeful song 'Ask':

 

"Shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to"

 

 

But sometimes I am brave. Sometimes I push (well, force) myself to do things I wouldn't usually do. And sometimes it's great and I feel so much better for it. But just as often (if not more often) it's horrendous, I get knocked back and I can feel myself bitterly reminding myself why I don't do this. Why I don't put myself out there.

 

Take internships and summer jobs. I've applied for a few over the last few months and like a lot of people I've been constantly rejected. And every time I think to myself that supposedly comforting saying of get knocked down 7 times, get back up 8. But I have to say that the older I get, the harder it is to get back up.

 

But then I think to myself about the many, many people who have it worse than I do, which usually results in some guilt-induced eating, but then I pick myself up, dust myself off and dive back into my routine. It's a bit of a vicious circle really; anytime I break out of my norm, the moment it all goes wrong I become even more fastidiously repetitive than before. I guess I'm just scared that it's getting harder to shake off these confidence knocks, but in reality as soon as I leave university they're probably going to become even more commonplace.

 

So what's the answer?

 

I think I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm just not one of those incredibly effervescent people who gets over things terribly quickly (I have a lot of flaws - just saying.)  I will say it helps to have a really good set of friends. They have a habit of finding incredibly amusing YouTube videos that definitely help to take your mind off things. I tried only pushing myself for things I really wanted, to lesson the frequency of rejections but as it turned out, this only serves to make rejection less familiar and all the more painful. So at the end of this very wordy post (sorry) it seems I can offer very few tips (sorry again!) But I guess because I'm still on this learning curve myself, I'll let you know when I know.

 

Deal?  Deal.

 

(And just in case, like me, you're stressed out by exams, feeling low about life or just in general need of a pick-me-up,  my brother showed me this video and it tickles me ever such a lot. I'm not even a massive fan of the movies!)

 

 

 

Enjoy,

 

Jade :)